Rising Profile Of Female Abuse: Who stole our mojo?
Day in day out, week in week out, there must be a news item on how a man has subjected his wife, lover, mistress or other qualifiers to some physical battery, mutilation, or violence, in whatever form this has been expressed. In the last one month, there is one gory story or the other. The alleged reasons go from the serious to the mundane. Of course from the perspective of the batterer, all the reasons are serious!
Take for instance the 60 year old retired lecturer that killed his step child after beating the mother just because the woman insisted on shutting access to her "honey pot" that night. Or the on-going case of Mr. Arowolo who is accused of killing his wife in the course of a domestic argument on some financial matter in the home. Or the case of David Sulaimon who bathed his girlfriend in acid. Or the case of Silifonia, a nollywood actress, who bled to death from punches to her pregnant tummy.
The cases are numerous if you scan google for similar incidents in Nigeria and other parts of the world. But why has it come to this? From a male perspective, women are slow poison. If we should have a national conference of men, about 60% will render tales of woes suffered from their wives, mistresses or lovers. Some of these experiences would arise from lack of understanding or exercise of patience with their partners. Ditto, if you convene a conference of women, the allegation will be that men are the problem.
For battering rising from "shutting of honey pot", a woman should realise that it is not at the point that a man is experiencing the need to "collabo" that you now remember your unrequited request and close 'shop'. Men deal with such 'frustrations' differently. Some are happy to turn and face the wall as they are too proud to beg or grovel for 'it'; some are able to obtain satisfaction through some viable 'alternatives' inside/outside the home etc.
However, should it have come to the point where a man becomes brutish and turns his partner, wife, lover or mistress to punching bag, his home into a battlefield etc? What are we going to do? If we have this surge in cases that are reported, what about the cases that go unreported?
I think men should invest more time in understanding women particularly the fact that women will act generally emotionally on most issues; they are hardly logical or analytical which is the default for men. Take for instance, if you do not intervene, a woman can turn a female househelp of 9 years old into a rival? If you dare intervene, she could allege that you have designs on her. if you are the man, just do not say anything after that and walk away before she would round off by saying you never take her side on matters, you prefer outsiders to her etc, na wah oh! Once a man realizes that women no matter the education or exposure will always remain who they are, then no issue.
For some women, the tension in the relationship is as a result of the deep set belief that men are promiscuous and this breeds excessive jealous streak out of the woman's desire to protect her 'turf'. A man comes back home and the next thing the wife is doing is to 'smell' his panties or boxers for any scent of semen, if he would be that careless! For a man that is not into such pranks, this is unacceptable and may trigger some shouting match that can spiral out of control.
The antidote I think to all these is first and foremost for the men to:
(i) be more patient and understanding of the woman
(ii)respect the woman (even though this has another dimension - okay, is it respect for the woman to have a mistress or girlfriend if you do not bring the latter home?)
(iii) be more tolerant - women go through all kinds of emotional topsy turvy monthly. You need to watch out like a friend told me "they are not sane everytime" of course this assessment is not flattering but that has helped him with his relationship. Someone has also said "they are like children - take honey, take cake, that is how children get to play with you)
Above all, we need to evolve our social consciousness to the level that wife battery and its companion, husband battery is no longer tolerated in whatever form at any level of the society be you poor or rich! Beating or unleashing violence in whatever form on a woman does not underscore manliness. There are better ways for resolving conflict. Always remember the first love shared; those qualities that you saw that drove you into the relationship. Stop considering alternatives!
Our government needs to send a strong message about this. The only wrinkle here is that it may just be that the head of government may be a female batterer or a victim (as in Dame who is used to beating GEJ, na so the rumour be o)!
Day in day out, week in week out, there must be a news item on how a man has subjected his wife, lover, mistress or other qualifiers to some physical battery, mutilation, or violence, in whatever form this has been expressed. In the last one month, there is one gory story or the other. The alleged reasons go from the serious to the mundane. Of course from the perspective of the batterer, all the reasons are serious!
Take for instance the 60 year old retired lecturer that killed his step child after beating the mother just because the woman insisted on shutting access to her "honey pot" that night. Or the on-going case of Mr. Arowolo who is accused of killing his wife in the course of a domestic argument on some financial matter in the home. Or the case of David Sulaimon who bathed his girlfriend in acid. Or the case of Silifonia, a nollywood actress, who bled to death from punches to her pregnant tummy.
The cases are numerous if you scan google for similar incidents in Nigeria and other parts of the world. But why has it come to this? From a male perspective, women are slow poison. If we should have a national conference of men, about 60% will render tales of woes suffered from their wives, mistresses or lovers. Some of these experiences would arise from lack of understanding or exercise of patience with their partners. Ditto, if you convene a conference of women, the allegation will be that men are the problem.
For battering rising from "shutting of honey pot", a woman should realise that it is not at the point that a man is experiencing the need to "collabo" that you now remember your unrequited request and close 'shop'. Men deal with such 'frustrations' differently. Some are happy to turn and face the wall as they are too proud to beg or grovel for 'it'; some are able to obtain satisfaction through some viable 'alternatives' inside/outside the home etc.
However, should it have come to the point where a man becomes brutish and turns his partner, wife, lover or mistress to punching bag, his home into a battlefield etc? What are we going to do? If we have this surge in cases that are reported, what about the cases that go unreported?
I think men should invest more time in understanding women particularly the fact that women will act generally emotionally on most issues; they are hardly logical or analytical which is the default for men. Take for instance, if you do not intervene, a woman can turn a female househelp of 9 years old into a rival? If you dare intervene, she could allege that you have designs on her. if you are the man, just do not say anything after that and walk away before she would round off by saying you never take her side on matters, you prefer outsiders to her etc, na wah oh! Once a man realizes that women no matter the education or exposure will always remain who they are, then no issue.
For some women, the tension in the relationship is as a result of the deep set belief that men are promiscuous and this breeds excessive jealous streak out of the woman's desire to protect her 'turf'. A man comes back home and the next thing the wife is doing is to 'smell' his panties or boxers for any scent of semen, if he would be that careless! For a man that is not into such pranks, this is unacceptable and may trigger some shouting match that can spiral out of control.
The antidote I think to all these is first and foremost for the men to:
(i) be more patient and understanding of the woman
(ii)respect the woman (even though this has another dimension - okay, is it respect for the woman to have a mistress or girlfriend if you do not bring the latter home?)
(iii) be more tolerant - women go through all kinds of emotional topsy turvy monthly. You need to watch out like a friend told me "they are not sane everytime" of course this assessment is not flattering but that has helped him with his relationship. Someone has also said "they are like children - take honey, take cake, that is how children get to play with you)
Above all, we need to evolve our social consciousness to the level that wife battery and its companion, husband battery is no longer tolerated in whatever form at any level of the society be you poor or rich! Beating or unleashing violence in whatever form on a woman does not underscore manliness. There are better ways for resolving conflict. Always remember the first love shared; those qualities that you saw that drove you into the relationship. Stop considering alternatives!
Our government needs to send a strong message about this. The only wrinkle here is that it may just be that the head of government may be a female batterer or a victim (as in Dame who is used to beating GEJ, na so the rumour be o)!
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